Dancing with Chaos

Dancing with Chaos

Did you hear? I joined a Rock Band. You didn’t know? Neither do they!

Let me “esplain….”

About a month ago, I moved into an “artist sanctuary”. All my neighbors are artists. The first day, as I was unpacking… breaking down cardboard boxes in the still quiet, echoing, and mostly empty loft… I heard the (not so feint) sounds of drums coming from the place next door. I knew that the former occupant of my unit had been a musician. I didn’t realize the next door neighbor was one as well.

My first thought was something like, “Oh, GREAT! Seriously? How often is THIS going to happen?”

Then I listened a bit, and thought, “Hey, he’s actually pretty good. At least I don’t live next door to a 5 year old studying violin…” I pushed through my initial, expected (for a 50-ish Mom type) reaction and decided to embrace this interesting development. I grabbed my rattle and joined him. I admit, I had a blast. He stopped playing shortly thereafter.

I didn’t hear the neighbor again for several weeks. When the music started again, the BAND had come over! Now there was a guitar and a piano player going as well. I enjoyed the concert. It only lasted about 45 minutes and they were done before my old lady bed time. I didn’t even get a chance to bust out the rattle. Darn.

Tonight the boys really needed to practice. They worked on one song over and over and over… through three episodes of Madam Secretary to be exact (with headphones) and they just weren’t getting it quite right. Clearly, what was missing was the rattle…

dtr300I observed my internal process. I started out a little annoyed. “Oh, it’s going to be a concert night…great.” Then eased into, “Hey, that’s a pretty good one, it’s coming along…” to “Seriously guys? Can’t we work on something else tonight?” to “I wonder if I went over and rang the doorbell what would happen?”

That’s when I knew it was time to danceto EMBRACE the Chaos. To meet it. To DEVOUR IT. To BECOME it. Resistance (Trekkies represent) IS futile. No, I was not going to be the “get off my lawn” fuddy duddy old lady next door. I am better than that. I have endured 3 years living next door to ROOSTERS and burning cane, I am NOT going to be deterred by a back beat and tricky guitar hook.

I picked up the rattle… I started in softly at first to catch the beat. Then started to go with a little double-time bit. At first I stopped when they stopped because I was being all stealth with it. After several rounds, I found myself playing my own little rattle solo… just taunting them to pick back up the beat. Several more rounds in, I let out an exultant “Woooooo!” and a rather flourishing rattle finish, if I do say so myself. I was KILLING IT!

I killed it so good. They stopped within about 10 minutes.

Besides the delicious humor of this scene, there is another point to my story. I have been dancing with my Shadow lately. I have been looking at things that I am tempted to call “bad” or “damaged” or “wrong” and asking them straight up “What is the Gift of this?” Who am I now because of this thing, person, event, situation, etc. that I didn’t want? I am learning that I would not be most of the awesome things I am without the crappy things I had to heal and overcome.

For one thing, I wouldn’t be the kind of person who dances with a rattle and whoops with the band playing next door… or rode a 6-foot unicycle, or designed a logo while sitting on a Mayan pyramid, or sold everything she owned and moved to Maui, or wrote a book, or had the guts to do a whole lotta things most people just think about while complaining that other people should stop disturbing THEIR TV time.

I am inviting my clients to dance with their Shadows. I have started offering healing sessions that access my intuition and symbolic sight and help you identify the stuff that is tripping you up and transform it and transmute it so that you can dance with what used to make you angry, confused, or afraid.

Check out the page called Healer to find out more. If you’re lucky, I’ll bring my rattle.





Where Have You Gone Silent?

Where Have You Gone Silent?

One of my key teachers, Michele Grace Lessirard of Marketing for Healers,  has asked the question in her circle lately, “Where have you gone silent?” We have been considering, with all the mayhem in the world and our shadows clearly parading in front of us, what we are stuffing down and keeping quiet about.

What is happening in the greater world is we are being confronted with choices. We have an election coming up. We have stand-offs in North Dakota where we can choose water (life) or oil (death). We have issues with the value of women and blacks and gays and people with disabilities and every other population who has been stuffing their outrage for decades, centuries even—all finally coming to a point where being silent just isn’t cutting it any more.

I see this cycle happen a lot with many of my clients. They show up excited about their business and wanting to be seen by their ideal clients. They know I can help them with that and off we go. Many (if not most) will inevitably hit a point in the Discovery process when their shadow shows up and a voice from deep inside says something like, “Who do you think you are? Who would want what you do? You don’t even have it all together yourself yet! How can you possibly put yourself out there as an expert? You’re not enough. You’re not ready. Go get a ‘real’ job!” In truth, I have been through this cycle many times myself.

Silence is not golden. It is no longer tolerable. It causes us to dim down our Light, to devalue who we are and what we have to give, to be invisible, to not be heard, and ultimately it allows darkness to prevail.

Where have I gone silent? In March of this last year I left Maui because of a toxic relationship. I spent 7 months rebuilding my life. Except for family and close friends, I did not speak widely about my experience or how it has effected me. I continued a cycle of protecting those who are abusers, manipulators, and bullies. I just wanted to hide. I wanted to protect myself. I went silent. I stopped showing up and I stopped being creative and expressive as a writer. I stopped sharing my life and my heart with the world.

I do not intend to unpack the nitty gritty of what happened or vilify the other person. That is not the point of breaking my silence. I don’t want to give them that much energy. My intention, however, is to reclaim my voice. It is time for me to show up, speak up, stand up, and rise up again. It is time for Raven to FLY.

The step I am taking at this time is to begin blogging again. I have thoughts, ideas, opinions, feelings, observations, learnings, and little nuggets of wisdom that I hear make a difference for some people and can be helpful. As we enter the darker months of Fall and Winter, I am lighting a candle. I am holding the Light high. I am here to shine.

Where have you gone silent? I urge you to break that silence, find your voice, and join the conversation. I think many of us are having the “I thought it was just me…” kinds of conversations.

Let’s talk. 

Put something in the Comments. Send me an e-mail. Write me a letter. Give me a call. How can I support you in finding your voice and shining your Light? That’s what I really do. SoulPrints and logos and all that are just the medium for helping you show up in the world.